Footloose pics

Siblings playing siblings. Love these guys.

Ren can't stand still. And he apparently gets his style from his mother. :D

Ethel. "Noticing my hands start to shake; contemplating taking up smoking..."

Ethel. "While my mind takes a small vacation. La la la, la la la..."

Vi, Ethel, and Ariel. "I'm becoming a mime..."

Ethel. "Ren, if I don't say something I'm going to burst!"

Ethel and Ren. "You didn't speak from your heart."

Finale (and one of my most favorite photos ever!)

Commence new normal

I have Footloose pictures to share, so I thought I'd post an update, too.  Will put the pics in a separate post, though.

School started this past Monday, as did Plaza Academy, and as expected it was a crazy week. It'll take a few more weeks for us to get into the groove of the new schedule, but we're getting there. Finding time for homework is going to be a challenge, especially for the AP and Pre-AP classes both kiddos are taking.

It was also my first full week on the job. I did have two mornings of training (I'm now CPR certified), but spent the rest of the week doing my real job. And had a fairly productive week! I do like my job, and I think I'll be good at it. I plan to front-load my week so I can take off early on Thursdays--our craziest day.

And as though we didn't have enough going on, Ragtime rehearsals started this week! What a wonderful cast!  Only music rehearsals thus far, but holy nugget we sound amazing. I'm excited because I get to be a hoity-toity resident of New Rochelle. Which means I get to wear a hat. And not just any hat. A fabulously over the top turn of the century ladies' hat. Such as those I was so envious of and didn't get to wear in Millionaire.

It's good to be busy, though I think the dogs would prefer us to be less so. The border collie is having some issues with me working all day and then us going to class and/or rehearsal. Need to find her some better toys and chew-things.

Next weekend is the last weekend of Forever Plaid, so we'll have a few weekends of no shows before Ragtime opens. We'll see Arsenic and Old Lace a few times, of course. And we'll have to continue our Fab Friday ritual of getting small ice cream cones at Braums, which started opening weekend after the Friday show. Five Fridays so far, dozens of flavors from which to choose, but each week it's been a frozen yogurt twist, a peppermint scoop, and a caramel apple scoop. We don't stray too far from our favorite things. :)

Also in the pipes: It was nearly a year ago that Mom handed me that stack of papers she'd printed from the Plaza website, and we plan to celebrate with a Woot Day Soirée in a couple of weeks. Woot! One year at Plaza!! It'll be after I get a paycheck, so we might even be able to have some real furniture in time for friends to sit on it!

That's it for now. Will post Footloose pics next.

Ragtime family affair

Much to all of our surprise, we were all called and offered parts in Ragtime :) Norseman will be a newsboy, Sunshine a person of New Rochelle, and I will be Kathleen, the Irish maid. What did I say about my ease with accents? And I've already twice proven I can be a terrific maid. I'm very excited to be doing another show with both my kiddos.

I can't lie, though. I'm still disappointed. But ever since Annie callbacks, I've known without a shred of doubt there's a Higher Plan. I needed Plaza this past year more than I possibly could have known I would. And thus far, the hardest disappointment paved the way for the biggest blessing. Not getting Adelaide was brutal, but now I see that if I'd gotten Adelaide, I wouldn't have gotten Ethel. And it turns out that I really needed Ethel. So I will trust that Higher Plan, trust the producers and directors, and play the best danged Irish maid I can.

With my amazing kids by my side. Yes, this will be a great show.

Is 'Update' too boring a title?

Work. Still on the fence about this. My boss and coworkers are wonderful people, and I'm eager/anxious to become more familiar with my job and gain the confidence I need to do it effectively. This week I spent three days in training, learning Satori Alternatives to Managing Aggression (SAMA) and more standard stuff that every MHMRTC employee needs to know. Friday I was actually in the office for the first time. And somehow Friday was much more exhausting than the three days of often very physically challenging SAMA. Right now I'm still a little overwhelmed.

At least I was able to get the first few days out of the way without also having to worry about getting kids to school. But alas, school starts tomorrow. For the first time in my memory NO ONE is excited about it, not even Sunshine. At one time school was the center of their social universe, but they now have a much wider circle of friends. So we're all sort of stressing about this coming week.

Also this week: Classes start at Plaza Academy. Both kids are on scholarship as interns, and are taking Ballet for Teens AND Audition Prep. I'm excited for them! We couldn't afford classes this semester, so the intern scholarships are hugely appreciated.

Related news: We all auditioned for Ragtime, and were all very disappointed. Which happens in theatre. There is always stiff competition for roles, and in good theatres that's especially so. Plaza is a stellar theatre. Sunshine and Norseman sang beautifully at their auditions (it was Norseman's very first audition ever), and felt they did well on the cold read. Both were complimented on their voices, but neither was called back. I was crazy nervous as usual at the audition, but thought I did very well--better than usual. I was called back for 'various female roles', but didn't understand until I got there that that meant the female roles that were not Mother, Emma, or Evelyn. That I was deemed unworthy of a main role without being given the opportunity to read for it was... really tough. In this case it wasn't actually a surprise, per se, I didn't truly expect to get one of those parts, but I did think I'd be given the opportunity to at least read. Anyway, as a result of my trying not to cry/throw up/scream, I didn't do so wonderful on the stuff I WAS asked to read. Lots of other very talented ladies there did much much better and deserve the opportunity, and new/prodigal faces are never a bad thing, so I don't expect to get cast. Pretty much the only thing I have in my favor is my ease with accents.

Callbacks were yesterday, so the day started out on a rough note, but ended nicely! My sister and mom wanted to go see Forever Plaid, so I got us all tickets. Saturday night shows are always great, especially because that's the night more Plaza alum attend.  Got to see lots of former castmates and give/get lots of hugs. Which I really really needed yesterday.

Internet access!

Buahahahahah! It's ALIIIIIIVVE! (The computer, I mean).

We were without Internet access for nearly a month! Okay, when I say 'without Internet access', I'm speaking of REAL internet. We had our phones, which I guess count--we could facebook and browse reddit and whatnot. But it sure is nice to be able to type with ALL my fingers on a full-size keyboard!

Update on the job: I went for my pre-employment testing yesterday. Had my very first breathalyzer test, on which I scored a .000. Shocker. She even gave me an escape clause... I'd been sitting in the waiting room for more than 35 minutes, but she asked if I'd used any cough syrup or mouthwash in the last 15 minutes. Um, no. I think hair gel/spray is the most alcohol I've been in contact with in the last six months. She laughed at me 'cause I was just a wee bit excited--I'd only ever seen breathalyzers on television! Now I have first-hand, hands-on experience!

I had to be able to lift 25 lbs with only my arms, measured with a spring gauge. I got to 72 lbs before she stopped me. Had to step up and down the stairs at a specified pace for three minutes. I don't even think my heart rate elevated. What is sad is that there are young, so-called 'able-bodied' people who would not be able to meet these requirements.

Got a TB skin test, which I have to go get checked tomorrow. Right now it looks like a teeny needle stick.

Also tomorrow! Going to see Urinetown at ICT in Irving. My friends Caroline (Annie and Fiddler) and Jerry (Foreigner and Fiddler) are in it. I'll be taking Sunshine, another theatre kid, and my Ethel double Heather with me! (Norseman will be Plaiding). Very excited!

And yeah, still apprehensive and a little melancholy, but I choose happy.

Kinda freaky

Just a smidgen freaked out. One month before my house sold, I had a dream, detailed in this post: Celebrity Dream Oddities. In that dream "Rod Stewart showed up at our house, except it wasn't THIS house, you know what I mean? He drove a little blue Mini Cooper."

A month after that post, almost to the day, I learned that we'd be moving to another house. Our new landlord, Mike, sort of resembles a manly, bald Rod Stewart. And, get this... HE DRIVES A LITTLE BLUE MINI COOPER.

*goosebumps*

Little did I know...

I've been without Internet access for a while, and so much has happened since I last blogged, that I'm a little bit at a loss where to start. In my last post I said life was calming down. Ha. HahahahahahahaHA!

Little did I know that my house had been sold in foreclosure that very morning (but I wouldn't find out for another week). I won't go into gory details, but suffice to say life was NOT anywhere near a calming-down point.  Within three weeks I found a new place for the three of us to live, picked up, and moved. So easy to type, but really a STRESSSFUUULLL thing to do.

Our saving grace throughout the whole ordeal was Footloose and our amazing castmates. The fact that all three of us had that escape, where we could take the stage together, become other people, struggle as our characters and triumph every single time... It was precious.  I had no idea when Footloose opened just how much closer to Ethel's life mine would become. I had no idea what stress she would see me through. I had no idea how much those 'I love you, Mom' hugs from JB, my terrific stage son, would mean.

So after Saturday's closing show, all day Sunday, and into Monday, I was a hot mess. The show, and our saving grace, has ended, even though life's craziness goes on. The people that we've grown so accustomed to seeing over the last twelve weeks are headed back to their regular lives, many to college in other cities. We miss them already. A lot.

And a new chapter of life begins for us, too. I've got a new job, with Tarrant County Mental Health and Mental Retardation services as an employment specialist. My official first day is August 21st, but I've got pre-employment appointments next week. I haven't worked full time for someone besides me in a very long time; I've never worked full time as a single parent. It's going to be a huge adjustment for all of us, and I'm honestly a little scared. (What? Stacey scared?)

Tonight I went to preview night of Forever Plaid at Plaza. We helped with the changeover on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Norseman was asked to Assistant Stage Manage... It is such a cute show. Not as high-energy as Footloose, but quite entertaining nonetheless. It was still sad for me, though. One week ago, I was Ethel on that stage. I'm not sure if it helped or not to know the eyes I painted for Footloose are still there, visible if you know to look for them, under the cheesy Fuselounge wall fringe.

I did have a hard time letting go of Annie, largely because it was my first show. But at the time, I was already cast as Yente and had something to jump directly into. Millionaire's close was sad because it was such a small tight-knit cast, but I had no emotional attachment to Emma (frankly she annoyed me), and I had Guys and Dolls immediately after. Footloose, though... *sigh* This one has been especially hard to let go of. Ethel was me, and I was Ethel. She wore my clothes, now I'm wearing hers. She struggled and nurtured and danced victorious. I'm struggling and nurturing, and I hope someday to dance victorious. And I have nothing to jump directly into. Ragtime auditions are the evening of my first day of work. I may get cast, I may not. Even if I do, Ragtime is a big heavy show like Fiddler, not high-spirited and fun.

Until work/Ragtime, we're getting settled into the new place. Unpacking, moving in, adjusting. Trying not to think too much about upcoming changes. Missing our stage family (Sunshine and JB would argue about whose mom I was. "She's MY mom." "No, she's MY mom.").

God never gives you more than you can handle. Right about now I'm clinging to that promise.

Life's calming down, really it is

Wow! It's Tuesday already!

Saturday's show was amazing! I thought I would be more nervous than I was, and I hope I haven't just jinxed myself by saying so. Regardless, I got LOTS of wonderful comments after the show, which honestly surprised me. While this is a featured role, it is by no means a starring role, and for the most part, casual theatre-goers don't much notice anyone but the main principals. Especially in a cast with SO MANY crazy talented people. Needless to say, I can hardly wait for Thursday.

Sunday morning, we hopped out of bed and into the car to drive to Altus, where we thoroughly enjoyed a few days of doing absolutely nothing. After two weeks of chaos, it was nice to not have to do anything at all. Finished up about 20 more hexagons for two different afghans, watched television, rented The Muppets. And spent time with David and Rosaleen!

This morning we drove home, got some groceries (the poor fridge was almost bare after two weeks of camp), and took paperwork to the theatre for Sunshine and Norseman to be considered as counselors for the younger kids' camp in a few weeks.

And tomorrow! We'll need to find some projects to keep us busy tomorrow while we await the arrival of my sister and her family!

It's gonna be a good week! <3

Somebody's eyes...

My brain kicked on two hours early today, so I have time for a short update. The insomnia and teen-reminiscent acne are probably indicative of stress, but it's a good stress.

Tonight is the final rehearsal for Footloose, in which I get to play Ethel McCormack. Tomorrow night I get to sit home and think good thoughts for the other cast as they open the show. Then on Saturday evening I play for the first time!

Norseman and Sunshine have been attending Footloose camp during the day (and having a great time!), so I've been helping around the theatre however I can. Guys and Dolls closed Saturday, and Footloose opens tomorrow, so there's no shortage of stuff to do! I was super excited when one of the producer/directors asked if I could paint eyes. I said "Heck yeah!"  When I got there on Tuesday, he handed me some jars of black-light paint.  I painted one pair of huge feature eyes, then more than a dozen smaller, lower contrast eyes.

Last night I got to see them all under black light (during the song Somebody's Eyes) and it was a-may-zing (if I do say so myself!).  We agreed that the walls still seem... unfinished, so today I'll figure out how to add some texture without detracting from the spookiness of the eyes watching.  I'll also make some Bomont Police patches for the cop's uniform. And shorten the sleeves of the Ethels' Cubs shirts. And... a few dozen other things before camp is done. See? Good stress. But still stress.

Celebrity dream oddities

I jumped out of bed this morning with the intent of tackling yard work before it gets hot. Last week I left the back yard half mowed after using the last dribble of gasoline in the fuel can.  Since then I've filled up both the mower and the fuel can, and purchased a snazzy new weed eater.  I went with the $29 one instead of the $25 one, and I admit I'm a little eager to use it.

However, I looked at the grass as I let the dogs out and thought... you know it's not really that bad. I feel like writing today.

So I turned on the computer.

Which, ultimately, is a bad idea if I want to be any sort of productive today. I felt guilty about typing that last sentence, so dug out the heavy-duty extension cord and the hedge trimmer; set 'em by the front door.

So on another note, I wonder what random celebrities popping into dreams means? Earlier this week Rod Stewart showed up at our house, except it wasn't THIS house, you know what I mean? He drove a little blue Mini Cooper.  If you didn't look directly at him, you could tell it was Rod Stewart. But if you looked directly at him, it was tough to tell if he was a man or a woman for all the hair-teasing and face-lifting and lip-plumping. (Disclaimer: Apologies to Mr. Stewart. I have no idea if you have actually indulged in surgical 'maintenance', or why it was you in my dream and not, say, Barry Manilow or Dee Snyder. The dreaming brain is a... well... a dreaming brain.)

And in my dream last night a young Lenny Kravitz showed up to work at a copy shop I was in. I guess I worked there at one time because I was behind the counter at first, since I was the only one in the shop, customer or otherwise. Then Young Lenny arrives with a friend, and I tell him what I need-- a calendar of some sort.  I'm trying to be smooth and intelligent, so of course I can't find the specific paper I need in my notebook.

Very strange. I did see a Woody Harrelson movie about six months ago that had a Rod Steward impersonator in it. And Lenny. I guess I heard someone mention a few weeks ago that he's in a current movie--Hunger Games maybe? Curious what the subconscious mind does while in recharge mode.

Okay. I guess I'll go rouse some teenagers to help with yard work. We'll make it a par-tay. They'll love it.

**11:30 UPDATE: Before heading out to mow the back yard, I woke the teenagers and warned that if they didn't get up and help, I would make them feel guilty.  So by the time I came back in to sit in front of a fan, both kids were up and putting shoes on. Sunshine conquered low-hanging tree wispies and stubborn weeds, Norseman mowed the front yard, and I made good use of the new weed eater and old hedge trimmer. Gotta admit: a nicely edged sidewalk makes me smile.  We are now half-way through a well-earned one-hour break before jumping on other tasks, like handprints around light switches and nose prints on the storm doors.

I need a t-shirt that says I survived...

...the opening weekend of Guys and Dolls!  My double and I switched Friday and Saturday evenings, so I got to do both shows on Saturday. My choreography wasn't perfect, but it was close,  the best I've ever done it.  

Perhaps because this has been so much of a challenge that I've managed to conquer, this is shaping up to be one of my favorite roles, even though I have no real lines. The other Hot Boxers are a joy to work with, and I'm really having fun with this!  That feeling of triumph when I come off stage after having held my own during the dance numbers is quite nice!

Thought I'd share a few photos. The first two are courtesy my friend Michael Durington, who plays an amazing Benny Southstreet in this production. The third was taken by Hannah with my phone. (Have you noticed that the quality of phone camera pics gets steadily worse and worse the longer you have your phone?)

Me and Rachel Hunt, the two oldest Hot Boxers (she's older than me!). She, however, owns a dance studio, so can really shake it like she means it!

Rehearsing Bushel and a Peck. The original script calls us Farmerettes. Our version calls us Chickies. Thank goodness we're not called Peckers :)

The Hot Box Chickies, Friday PM and Saturday Matinee cast.

Moxiepants activate!

I love doing multiple shows with the same actors, because I have the opportunity to build a rapport with some really wonderful people. I'm amazed by how many theatre folks tend to be on the shy side. It seems counter-intuitive, I know. After the second or third show, you get to see some of the humor and silliness that lurks in these quieter actors. I love that!

I also love being able to work with new people.  By and large, theatre folks are just wonderfully kind, caring, humble people, and one can never have too many of those around.  There are about a dozen actors in Guys and Dolls with whom I've never before worked or shared the stage, so it's been very cool to rehearse with these folks, and I look forward to back stage time with most of them.  Two in particular stand out in my mind, though, for different reasons.

One seems to be disparaged by many other cast members, but I've found this person to be encouraging and helpful. Yes, sometimes a little annoying, but not overly so.

Another is beloved by most other cast members, but I've found this person to be... well... kind of a poop.  At last night's rehearsal, my respect for this person dropped significantly.

Regardless, I'm very excited for opening weekend!  My double is graduating on Saturday, so we switched Friday and Saturday nights, so I'm not playing opening night. But I'm okay with that.

Today is our last audience-less rehearsal, and my stress about stealing focus or losing my balance officially gets kicked to the curb. I've mastered enough of the choreography to not look totally inept, so today I embrace a dorky, saucy and sassy Hot Box Girl.

Moxiepants activate! (*grin*)

I think it's Emma's fault

Not sure what exactly sparked this epiphany. Perhaps it was my use in Real Life a hand movement I created for the character of Yente.  She didn't use a cane, but needed another identifiable 'tick' that the girls could mimic in 'Matchmaker.'

Fact: I honestly had no trouble with the choreography at Dolls callbacks in March.
Fact: I can't nail the choreography for my life now, in May, and it's SO frustrating!!
Question: What happened in the intervening weeks?
Answer: Emma.

At the time of my auditions, Fiddler had been over for more than a week, and The Happiest Millionaire had rehearsed just twice. There had not yet been any character development. I'd not even really begun to find Emma, to figure out how she fit into the family, what character traits she needed in order to stay reasonably sane in the Biddle household dealing with prize fighters and alligators and teenagers on a daily basis.  So it was ME at auditions, with minuscule blips of Yente.

Weeks later, after I'd gotten a good handle on Emma, I remember telling Taffy, our director, that it took me a long time after each rehearsal to unwind from being Emma. She's very high-strung, quite excitable, and even more dorky than I am.  I'm single cast, so now Emma MUST be 'on' for nearly half of my week. I don't truly unwind from weekend to weekend.

Dolls rehearsals are also held in the theatre, on the Millionaire set. On that stage, essentially in the Biddle living room, Emma leaks profusely into my Hot Box Girl (minus the British accent). So my Hot Box Girl has been high-strung, excitable, and even more dorky than I am.

Characters leak. Tragic example: Heath Ledger, very talented actor, couldn't shake the Joker, and died likely as an indirect result. He was filming Dr. Parnassus at the time, months after The Dark Knight had wrapped, but the Joker hung on.

I'm still practicing choreography relentlessly, but will also take time to figure out who my Hot Box Girl is inside, what character traits she needs to be a burlesque dancer in 1949 NYC, friends with Miss Adelaide.

Let's hope some combination of these tactics provides some graceful results...

Old dog, new tricks

True story: I was 15 years old when I tried out for Raiderettes, the dance squad that performed at football halftime shows and pep rallies. I was 5'6" of long flailing limbs, but I wanted so much to be that dancer, to have that graceful control over my body. I lacked any sort of refined gross motor skills, so not surprisingly, I didn't make the team. I was disappointed, but focused my attention on other things where I wouldn't make a fool of myself. Like art, newspaper, and drama.

Over the next 20+ years, that lack of refined gross motor skills never posed any sort of hurdle for me. I could  keep a beat and dance when out with friends, I could gradually move away from the very back of the class in step or zumba classes. In the real world, most adults don't need the grace and coordination of a dancer.

Unless they want to do musical theatre.

When they discover that their brains are even less capable now of piloting those long flailing limbs than they were at age 15.

Which is utterly ridiculous and unfair, when I think about it. When I was 15, I'd had only two or three years' experience being 5'6". It makes sense that I might not have mastered the skills needed for finer movement. I did grow another two inches some time over the next 15 years, but for heaven sake, I've been this tall for a long time, stayed fit and mostly trim, and I can do the electric slide and the macarena!

But rather than time-earned mastery of physical movement, I honestly feel like I have some sort of learning disability. Equating dance steps to spoken words, I can get the little words, like 'and' and 'go' and 'the', and with practice, words like 'bank', 'truck', and perhaps even 'recliner.' But as much as I desperately want it to, my brain just cannot form sentences with them because when they occur a bunch at a time, they make no sense to me: Go the and truck recliner to the and bank bank go the recliner bank refrigerato-shoot and the the cat tree go the the. I get the 'words' switched around or stumble over them completely.  And the more I stumble, the more flustered I get.

Last night I decided that I'm a Hot Box Girl because my daddy owns the club.  But even if a cutesy dork dancer is funny and would garner laughs, Adelaide is the focus of the Hot Box numbers. And I feel that drawing attention away from her is a disservice to both that actress and the authors of the show.

So today I'm going to see if I can't use that dance-step vs. word correlation analogy to find words that will assemble into meaningful sentences. At the very least, I want to get the words in the right order. The occasional 'trunk' in place of 'truck' is a little easier to cover than 'go' in place of 'refrigerator.'

Snagged an Ethel, and other stuff

Yay! This almost makes up for missing out on Adelaide!  I found out last night that I get to be one of the Ethel McCormacks (Ren's mom) in Plaza's summer production of Footloose! My Sunshine (and possibly my Norseman) will be in the ensemble, so we'll actually get to share the stage for the first time! I'm very excited! This is also the first production where I'll get to sing almost-solo. Wooty woot woot!

Through the Footloose audition process, I discovered something interesting. Give me a woman with an accent and a history far removed from me--I got it, no problem. Give me a woman who is essentially ME, and I'm a wreck.  It surprised me how frazzled I was. Even at callbacks, which have been, heretofore, my stronger performance, I was a shaky mess. But it was SO worth it!

In other theatre news, The Happiest Millionaire is going really REALLY well! It's been selling out, which I think is surprising everyone. Sunshine is a fabulous dresser (helps with quick costume changes), and Norseman wrangles the alligator. We got a very nice review from The Column, which gave rare praise for a strong ensemble. Emma is such a small part, comparatively, but I get wonderful comments from patrons.  The best so far: "Great job! You should have had a bigger role."  Also signed an autograph this past weekend. I am so blessed to be involved with this show. I love love love this cast. Eight more shows over the next two weekends, and then it's on to...

Guys and Dolls. Wow. This one has been a blow to my poise-related self esteem. I'm a huge dork; I know; I don't deny it. But the effort involved with making these dork limbs behave in a way that resembles the choreographed dance is... pathetic. My very patient castmates are, at this point, rolling their eyes and (rightly) thinking to themselves (and undoubtedly whispering to each other), "Good Lord, how has she managed to get this far with so little coordination?" And I know they're afraid I won't get it in time for opening night. But I will. The process is a little rough and unrefined, though. Practice, practice, practice. I'll get it, and I'll be better for it. Forging new synapses in my brain that will hopefully stick around until the next time I have to dance in a prescribed routine.

And I'm doing all this as an essentially single mom. D has moved to Oklahoma to take over an old friend's plumbing company--a terrific opportunity for him, too good to pass up. The kids and I are staying here. Norseman has a year left of high school, and Sunshine at this point has no desire whatsoever to move to Oklahoma.  We get together as a family every other weekend, and it's working quite well.

Probably ought to go wash the car. It's currently sporting two states worth of bird poo and bug guts...

Danged doorknobs

Auditions: A first-person narrative by me

So I spend a good 10 minutes in the lobby, adjusting my confidence--it's on frontwards, right? Good. The suspenders aren't too flashy? What? I need 'em to hold my confidence up, duh. It tends to sag in situations like this.

Oh geez, it's my turn already! Wish me luck!

I walk to the audition room with grace and poise. I take a deep calming breath and step inside. "Hello! My name is---herk!" Aack! My suspenders got caught on the doorknob! The consummate professional (*snerk*), I continue on as though nothing is amiss. "My name is Stacey. I'm audtioning for the part of [role] and I'll be singing [song]." As I reach out to hand the director's helper my music, I feel the clips on my suspenders pop away from my confidence. There is a moment of panic, but maybe maybe maybe my confidence will stay up just this once oh please oh please oh please.

The music starts, and I belt out the first line of the song. Yay! I inhale to begin the next line when suddenly my confidence sinks to my knees and I'm exposed. My voice wavers and I try to inconspicuously grab hold of some confidence before it drops completely and puddles on the floor. Ohmygosh! I hope to goodness the director doesn't notice. There! I get a handful of confidence and hold on for dear life! "Lalalalaaaaaa...."

Whew! Song is over! I managed to get through it and even pulled my confidence up a bit. Okay, I can do this. The director hands me an unfamiliar page from the script to read. Without thinking I take it with both hands. Mistake! Mistake! Unsupported, my confidence starts to sag again, lower and lower as I read, until it's around my shins.

"Thank you," the director says. "We'll let you know if we need to see you at callbacks."

And I shuffle out of the room, trying not to trip over the confidence that is now drooped around my ankles, dragging on the floor.

*sigh*

#$%#@ suspenders and @$&% doorknobs.

Three Fiddler pics

I'll admit to being supremely disappointed.

The Fiddler photo CD I ordered before the show closed finally arrived yesterday. (Plaza has an arrangement with a third-party photographer to come in and photograph each show. The photographer then offers photo CDs for sale to the actors toward the end of the show's run.) For nearly four weeks I'd eagerly checked the mailbox, hoping it would come. And when it was there yesterday, I very nearly squealed with glee. I rushed inside and popped it into the computer to pull up the photos...

As my glee deflated and disappeared.

For the Friday/SatMat cast, there were 125+ fabulous photos, including about a dozen of my double CC as Yente.  For the Thurs/Sat cast, there were 46 photos, and many of those near copies of Friday/SatMat photos because they're of single cast people doing what they did every show.  Since nearly all of the principal characters were doubled, there are precious few photos of the people with whom I had the honor of sharing the stage.  And that makes me sad.

The photos were taken opening weekend. If the camera or lens malfunctioned and it was a matter of not being able to get good photos, there were still five more weekends, ten more performances, to get photos.

Now the show is long done, no way to go back and get pictures.

*sigh*  Anyway.  I'll share the two and a half photos that included me.  The first one is from the opening scene, where Yente tells Avram she's found the perfect match for his son.

This second one is from the first scene, where Yente visits Golde to tell her about the match for Tzeitel. I'm stealing a potato.

Finally, the wedding scene, right before intermission. I'm the black-clad one at the bottom. I love the pic, though, because it shows how amazing the set and lighting were...

Dolls cast list

And even more excited after seeing the full cast list. Yay!

http://plazaco.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/the-official-cast-list-for-plaza-theatre-companys-production-of-guys-dolls/

(And they got my name right on the first try!)

Hot Box girl!

Let me say first that I got a part in Guys and Dolls! I'll be struttin' my stuff as a Hot Box girl, which means I'm part of the female chorus.  I love love love this show, so I am [mostly] thrilled.  The call came later than I thought, so I was actually relieved to get any part at all.  I haven't seen the full cast list yet, but from what I have seen, it's going to be kick-bootay, of course.

It's utterly ridiculous, but I was caught a bit off guard by how hard it hit me. I knew it was gonna happen, have known for about two weeks generally how it would play out, prepared myself for the inevitable, but callbacks went so well that I had ardently hoped to be an unlikely double.  Since 5th or 6th grade, belting out 'Bushel and a Peck' and prancing around my basement 'stage' in hand-kludged costumes, I have wanted to play Adelaide.  So even before I auditioned for Annie, when I saw Guys and Dolls was in the line-up for this season, I knew I would audition.  In the mean time, I gathered as much experience as I could, to earn my stripes, prove my mettle, so I could be a serious contender for the role.

Logically, it's a no-brainer. Here's my long list of reasons I knew I was not going to be cast as Adelaide:
1. Very talented producer auditioning for the same part. And she will indeed knock it out of the park.
2. I'm in the Happiest Millionaire, and will potentially miss two weeks of rehearsal.
3. I'm new still and haven't earned my major role eligibility stripes.
4. Directors need to make nice stage pictures with fairly matched principal characters. I'm nearly 5'8", skinny, and don't match well.
5. In most cases, doubles need to at least resemble each other, and as I said, I'm nearly 5'8", a good six inches taller than the one I knew would get the part.
6. Life is full of disappointment, duh.

So yeah, even though I saw it coming a mile away and was prepared for it, I still cried. But I am happy to be doing the show at all. Maybe next time the opportunity arises to audition for Adelaide, I'll still be young enough to be a serious contender.

10:00 am edit: Wanted to reiterate that I'm excited and grateful to be part of the show! The costumes will be amazing, especially for the ladies, and that thought alone makes me giggle.  I do trust the Bigger Picture, and am grateful to continue to be part of Plaza Theatre Company productions, where the people are loving, Godly, and just ridiculously wonderful.  Where the only expectations of me are to wear cool costumes, to remember some words, so sing and dance with fabulous people, and to be somebody else for a little while. With the other crazy stressful stuff going on right now, Plaza is an integral part of my Sanity Maintenance Plan.

I love callbacks

It's no secret by now that initial auditions totally freak me out.  I'm a mess of stress, and since of course stress makes me ditzy and awkward, I get even more stressed about the stress making me ditzy and awkward. Five initial auditions now, and the singing ones especially haven't gotten any easier. But if I can get past that first audition to callbacks, I relax and... have fun.

Last night I had the honor of attending callbacks for Guys and Dolls.  I had a great time, did my best, which is usually my only goal. Didn't do anything stupid, that's always a good thing. And I managed to take one of each foot with me, rather than two left ones!  I didn't butcher the dance routine!!  That in itself is reason for celebration.

But I still mulled all night. Not over my own performance, but something else that startled me: One of the most talented ladies I know, Tina, was really really nervous. I'd never seen her so nervous!  She recently won the Column Award for Best Actress in a Play (non-equity), and she was a bundle of nerves.  I mean, for local theatre, this is akin to Reese Witherspoon suffering from audition nerves.

On one hand, it made me feel much better about my own initial-audition jitters. On the other hand, I felt bad for her. I know well how that feels and hate hate hate it.  I love her, and since we were auditioning for the same part, I felt awful that I might be contributing to her nerves.  Fortunately we all know she's got the Acting Stuff.  She'll knock it out of the park on stage, regardless.

For me perhaps it's backwards.  The single-organism-under-the-microscope aspect of the initial audition is awful. But the presence of other people at callbacks is relaxing, empowering even.  Except for the Annie callbacks where I felt clearly outclassed, I've been pleasantly surprised NOT to feel I'm out of my league.  Plus, callbacks are an opportunity to learn from others because there are always such wonderfully talented people there.  It's a joy to be among all that talent, to be included IN that talent.  I get all warm and fuzzy and want to go home and bake cupcakes for everyone.

Anyway, I should find out this evening if I got a part.  I love this show, and said on my audition resume that I'd even be willing to wear a mustache in the men's ensemble just to be part of it.  Hopeful, but trusting in the Bigger Picture.