Sadness

Every good parent has them, I think. Those worst-case-scenario dreams where you wake up sobbing, then have to get out of bed and go check on your sleeping babies to make sure they're still with you. Even when the babies are teenagers. Oh how I wish Mark and Debra could wake up, go check on him, and find him snoring peacefully.

Driving back from Oklahoma yesterday, we were still nearly 90 minutes from home when we received word that a family dear to us had lost one of its own. They were on their way to dress rehearsal for Casa Manana's Twas the Night Before Christmas when, out of the blue, 13-year-old Caleb's heart stopped beating during an apparent seizure (he had no history of seizures).

The rest of the day can be summed up in two words: Shock. Tears.

All three of us have shared the stage with Caleb. He was in Footloose, an animated, goofy part of the core dance crew, who delighted in the fact that he could sing the bass part in Mama Says. He and his brother were the boys Yente brings to Golde in Fiddler on the Roof. "They are wonderful boys, Golde, from good families. Each of them a prize, a jewel." He let me pretend to spit-smooth his hair and straighten his vest every show. He was silly and gracious, exuberant and nearly always grinning, and had a snappy, intelligent sense of humor far beyond his years. This pic is from closing day of Footloose.

Last night we opened A Christmas Carol. Nearly every person in the cast has worked with Caleb. It was probably the hardest show most of us have ever done.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Hug your babies every day, and live as though it's your last.

My prayers, my breaking heart, and my tears are with the Midkiff family today and months to come.

Footloose pics

Siblings playing siblings. Love these guys.

Ren can't stand still. And he apparently gets his style from his mother. :D

Ethel. "Noticing my hands start to shake; contemplating taking up smoking..."

Ethel. "While my mind takes a small vacation. La la la, la la la..."

Vi, Ethel, and Ariel. "I'm becoming a mime..."

Ethel. "Ren, if I don't say something I'm going to burst!"

Ethel and Ren. "You didn't speak from your heart."

Finale (and one of my most favorite photos ever!)

Little did I know...

I've been without Internet access for a while, and so much has happened since I last blogged, that I'm a little bit at a loss where to start. In my last post I said life was calming down. Ha. HahahahahahahaHA!

Little did I know that my house had been sold in foreclosure that very morning (but I wouldn't find out for another week). I won't go into gory details, but suffice to say life was NOT anywhere near a calming-down point.  Within three weeks I found a new place for the three of us to live, picked up, and moved. So easy to type, but really a STRESSSFUUULLL thing to do.

Our saving grace throughout the whole ordeal was Footloose and our amazing castmates. The fact that all three of us had that escape, where we could take the stage together, become other people, struggle as our characters and triumph every single time... It was precious.  I had no idea when Footloose opened just how much closer to Ethel's life mine would become. I had no idea what stress she would see me through. I had no idea how much those 'I love you, Mom' hugs from JB, my terrific stage son, would mean.

So after Saturday's closing show, all day Sunday, and into Monday, I was a hot mess. The show, and our saving grace, has ended, even though life's craziness goes on. The people that we've grown so accustomed to seeing over the last twelve weeks are headed back to their regular lives, many to college in other cities. We miss them already. A lot.

And a new chapter of life begins for us, too. I've got a new job, with Tarrant County Mental Health and Mental Retardation services as an employment specialist. My official first day is August 21st, but I've got pre-employment appointments next week. I haven't worked full time for someone besides me in a very long time; I've never worked full time as a single parent. It's going to be a huge adjustment for all of us, and I'm honestly a little scared. (What? Stacey scared?)

Tonight I went to preview night of Forever Plaid at Plaza. We helped with the changeover on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Norseman was asked to Assistant Stage Manage... It is such a cute show. Not as high-energy as Footloose, but quite entertaining nonetheless. It was still sad for me, though. One week ago, I was Ethel on that stage. I'm not sure if it helped or not to know the eyes I painted for Footloose are still there, visible if you know to look for them, under the cheesy Fuselounge wall fringe.

I did have a hard time letting go of Annie, largely because it was my first show. But at the time, I was already cast as Yente and had something to jump directly into. Millionaire's close was sad because it was such a small tight-knit cast, but I had no emotional attachment to Emma (frankly she annoyed me), and I had Guys and Dolls immediately after. Footloose, though... *sigh* This one has been especially hard to let go of. Ethel was me, and I was Ethel. She wore my clothes, now I'm wearing hers. She struggled and nurtured and danced victorious. I'm struggling and nurturing, and I hope someday to dance victorious. And I have nothing to jump directly into. Ragtime auditions are the evening of my first day of work. I may get cast, I may not. Even if I do, Ragtime is a big heavy show like Fiddler, not high-spirited and fun.

Until work/Ragtime, we're getting settled into the new place. Unpacking, moving in, adjusting. Trying not to think too much about upcoming changes. Missing our stage family (Sunshine and JB would argue about whose mom I was. "She's MY mom." "No, she's MY mom.").

God never gives you more than you can handle. Right about now I'm clinging to that promise.

Life's calming down, really it is

Wow! It's Tuesday already!

Saturday's show was amazing! I thought I would be more nervous than I was, and I hope I haven't just jinxed myself by saying so. Regardless, I got LOTS of wonderful comments after the show, which honestly surprised me. While this is a featured role, it is by no means a starring role, and for the most part, casual theatre-goers don't much notice anyone but the main principals. Especially in a cast with SO MANY crazy talented people. Needless to say, I can hardly wait for Thursday.

Sunday morning, we hopped out of bed and into the car to drive to Altus, where we thoroughly enjoyed a few days of doing absolutely nothing. After two weeks of chaos, it was nice to not have to do anything at all. Finished up about 20 more hexagons for two different afghans, watched television, rented The Muppets. And spent time with David and Rosaleen!

This morning we drove home, got some groceries (the poor fridge was almost bare after two weeks of camp), and took paperwork to the theatre for Sunshine and Norseman to be considered as counselors for the younger kids' camp in a few weeks.

And tomorrow! We'll need to find some projects to keep us busy tomorrow while we await the arrival of my sister and her family!

It's gonna be a good week! <3

Somebody's eyes...

My brain kicked on two hours early today, so I have time for a short update. The insomnia and teen-reminiscent acne are probably indicative of stress, but it's a good stress.

Tonight is the final rehearsal for Footloose, in which I get to play Ethel McCormack. Tomorrow night I get to sit home and think good thoughts for the other cast as they open the show. Then on Saturday evening I play for the first time!

Norseman and Sunshine have been attending Footloose camp during the day (and having a great time!), so I've been helping around the theatre however I can. Guys and Dolls closed Saturday, and Footloose opens tomorrow, so there's no shortage of stuff to do! I was super excited when one of the producer/directors asked if I could paint eyes. I said "Heck yeah!"  When I got there on Tuesday, he handed me some jars of black-light paint.  I painted one pair of huge feature eyes, then more than a dozen smaller, lower contrast eyes.

Last night I got to see them all under black light (during the song Somebody's Eyes) and it was a-may-zing (if I do say so myself!).  We agreed that the walls still seem... unfinished, so today I'll figure out how to add some texture without detracting from the spookiness of the eyes watching.  I'll also make some Bomont Police patches for the cop's uniform. And shorten the sleeves of the Ethels' Cubs shirts. And... a few dozen other things before camp is done. See? Good stress. But still stress.

Snagged an Ethel, and other stuff

Yay! This almost makes up for missing out on Adelaide!  I found out last night that I get to be one of the Ethel McCormacks (Ren's mom) in Plaza's summer production of Footloose! My Sunshine (and possibly my Norseman) will be in the ensemble, so we'll actually get to share the stage for the first time! I'm very excited! This is also the first production where I'll get to sing almost-solo. Wooty woot woot!

Through the Footloose audition process, I discovered something interesting. Give me a woman with an accent and a history far removed from me--I got it, no problem. Give me a woman who is essentially ME, and I'm a wreck.  It surprised me how frazzled I was. Even at callbacks, which have been, heretofore, my stronger performance, I was a shaky mess. But it was SO worth it!

In other theatre news, The Happiest Millionaire is going really REALLY well! It's been selling out, which I think is surprising everyone. Sunshine is a fabulous dresser (helps with quick costume changes), and Norseman wrangles the alligator. We got a very nice review from The Column, which gave rare praise for a strong ensemble. Emma is such a small part, comparatively, but I get wonderful comments from patrons.  The best so far: "Great job! You should have had a bigger role."  Also signed an autograph this past weekend. I am so blessed to be involved with this show. I love love love this cast. Eight more shows over the next two weekends, and then it's on to...

Guys and Dolls. Wow. This one has been a blow to my poise-related self esteem. I'm a huge dork; I know; I don't deny it. But the effort involved with making these dork limbs behave in a way that resembles the choreographed dance is... pathetic. My very patient castmates are, at this point, rolling their eyes and (rightly) thinking to themselves (and undoubtedly whispering to each other), "Good Lord, how has she managed to get this far with so little coordination?" And I know they're afraid I won't get it in time for opening night. But I will. The process is a little rough and unrefined, though. Practice, practice, practice. I'll get it, and I'll be better for it. Forging new synapses in my brain that will hopefully stick around until the next time I have to dance in a prescribed routine.

And I'm doing all this as an essentially single mom. D has moved to Oklahoma to take over an old friend's plumbing company--a terrific opportunity for him, too good to pass up. The kids and I are staying here. Norseman has a year left of high school, and Sunshine at this point has no desire whatsoever to move to Oklahoma.  We get together as a family every other weekend, and it's working quite well.

Probably ought to go wash the car. It's currently sporting two states worth of bird poo and bug guts...

Danged doorknobs

Auditions: A first-person narrative by me

So I spend a good 10 minutes in the lobby, adjusting my confidence--it's on frontwards, right? Good. The suspenders aren't too flashy? What? I need 'em to hold my confidence up, duh. It tends to sag in situations like this.

Oh geez, it's my turn already! Wish me luck!

I walk to the audition room with grace and poise. I take a deep calming breath and step inside. "Hello! My name is---herk!" Aack! My suspenders got caught on the doorknob! The consummate professional (*snerk*), I continue on as though nothing is amiss. "My name is Stacey. I'm audtioning for the part of [role] and I'll be singing [song]." As I reach out to hand the director's helper my music, I feel the clips on my suspenders pop away from my confidence. There is a moment of panic, but maybe maybe maybe my confidence will stay up just this once oh please oh please oh please.

The music starts, and I belt out the first line of the song. Yay! I inhale to begin the next line when suddenly my confidence sinks to my knees and I'm exposed. My voice wavers and I try to inconspicuously grab hold of some confidence before it drops completely and puddles on the floor. Ohmygosh! I hope to goodness the director doesn't notice. There! I get a handful of confidence and hold on for dear life! "Lalalalaaaaaa...."

Whew! Song is over! I managed to get through it and even pulled my confidence up a bit. Okay, I can do this. The director hands me an unfamiliar page from the script to read. Without thinking I take it with both hands. Mistake! Mistake! Unsupported, my confidence starts to sag again, lower and lower as I read, until it's around my shins.

"Thank you," the director says. "We'll let you know if we need to see you at callbacks."

And I shuffle out of the room, trying not to trip over the confidence that is now drooped around my ankles, dragging on the floor.

*sigh*

#$%#@ suspenders and @$&% doorknobs.