That pause at the top of the roller coaster

So tonight is preview night for Fiddler. On Facebook I have to be happy and shiny and enthusiastic, 'cause it really will be a good show and I don't want to cast a shadow for locals. But not many people read this blog, and the only locals who read it are related to me, so I can be honest.

*sigh* Right now I'm weary, eager to get this show on the road already. With Annie I never once considered quitting. I was so excited to be there, I loved every second, and I was kinda sad when the show opened because the process of getting to that point had been so enjoyable and meaningful, and that part of the journey was over. I missed seeing my castmates nearly every day.

With Fiddler I have cried myself to sleep more than once.  I've had to continually remind myself that I LOVE doing this, and that I made a commitment when I auditioned.  And though no one has expressly talked about it, I know without doubt that I'm not the only castmember to feel that way. Which is sort of comforting in a way. To know I'm not the only melodramatic soul.

So, being a proactive person, I'm going to bake yummy mini-muffins or bite-size cookies or something to take to my castmates tonight as a thank you/good will offering.  And I'm gonna do what I can to be a ray of sunshine for a cloudy cast.

***Edited at 3pm to add:
It's very cloudy today.  I mention that because I went to the theatre to help out with changeover however I could. Prayed and went over my lines and prayed and went over my lines and prayed some more on the drive there.  As I got within a few blocks of the theatre, I happened to be asking God to lift my spirits so I could be that ray of sunshine. And at that moment, the sun broke through the clouds and blazed its brilliance right in my face. I had to laugh (and got a little choked up, I admit).  And the sun stayed out, more or less, as I got to the theatre, parked, and walked into the building smiling.  And I had a good day running to get some last minute stuff needed, painting the floor and generally being helpful. And my stress level is markedly reduced! Thanks, Big Guy!

Now I'm about to go pick up my Sunshine from school, then come home and dip some pretzel rods into chocolate and sprinkles to take with me tonight.

It's a good day!

Good day, Annie.

Annie is done. Final performance was last night, with the strike/cast party after.  Somewhat bittersweet.  I got a little misty as I came offstage after the cabinet scene, and reluctantly shed the Frances Perkins suit, hat, and persona that fit me so well.

Our director, Taffy Geisel, was there to watch the last show, and I don't think we could have done a better job.  It was a near-perfect performance.  Hooverville rocked. NYC flowed. The mansion bustled. The cabinet blustered and harmonized. It was a fitting close to a record-breaking show. (97% of all available seats for the entire run were sold--that's nearly 4000 seat filled.)

Taffy is directing The Happiest Millionaire at Plaza in a few months. She asked if I was familiar with the show and encouraged me to audition.  She remarked at how much I'd grown as an actress since the audition. As I lamented at the time, the audition sucked beans, and wasn't remotely indicative of what I'm capable of achieving.  But she only knows what she sees, and yes, from crappy audition to final show, I guess I've flourished.  And I'm flattered that she's impressed enough to share her thoughts with me.  Yeah, it was a bit of an ego boost, I won't lie :)

We got production photo CD's last night, too (those who ordered them). So as I write this, I'm working on a photo book on Shutterfly. Totally copying the idea from castmates Shauna and Jay Lewis, who have a large collection of photobooks from shows they've worked on.  Below are a few pics from Annie that include ME in them. These were taken on opening weekend, Saturday, November 19th.

Mrs. Greer and Mrs. Pugh kibitzing

The painting from Paris that grows on Mr. Warbucks

Eavesdropping on a phone conversation

You won't be an orphan for long...

Frances Perkins *gasp* agreeing with a Republican!

Frances Perkins and Cordell Hull getting riled up!

New Deal for Christmas (show finale)

One more week...

A little melancholy tonight.  Doug (aka Roosevelt) observed that one week from tonight will be our last show.  It's been so hectic lately that I hadn't really thought about the impending close of Annie.  And so I'm a little sad.  Milette (producer) shrugged and said "There's always the next show."  This one is particularly special, though, since it was my first.  And it's gonna be a bummer when it's over.

But then it will be on to Foreigner, and finishing the costumes for that.  And Fiddler rehearsals have already started, so there's that.  Annie details (like dance steps I've done a bazillion times) have already started trickling out of my head, replaced by Yente mini-monologues.

I love it <3

I hate wait

This is the excruciating wait.  The time between callbacks and the possible call to offer a role.  Less than 48 hours... Oy!

I feel good about today! So very many ridiculously talented people; it was an honor to be among them.  Although it was only my 2nd real audition ever and I did 6000% better than last time, I could have done better. But nerves and inexperience were very real obstacles (that will diminish with every play). Even so, I think I have a real shot at getting a more principal role.  I'll be happy with nondescript 'Villager', too, just for the experience!

A few other things to note today...  Positive note first: Taylor O'Toole, the actress who plays Annie in my cast, injured her ankle on stage half way through the second act (in the cabinet scene in fact, just feet away from me).  But she got up and kept going, and the audience barely noticed.  Her mom whisked her off for x-rays after final bows (ankle was already swollen and purple--looked really bad), but thankfully it's 'just' a severe sprain, rather than a break.  The grown-up actors in particular were just awed at this young woman's professionalism and grit. Amazing.


Now the crappy note: Found out this morning that my friend Brian Harrington died on Sunday, apparently by his own hand. I last saw him about a month ago--we went to see the Caravaggio exhibit at the Kimball.  He was in good spirits with plans for the future.  He was going to come see me in Annie, and go with me to try the Thai restaurant near the theatre.  He was arrogant and self-absorbed, annoyingly intelligent, but witty and gracious when he wanted to be.  I'm sad, but mad, too. Dammit.

FotR auditions and an Annie pic

This one's the rather easy wait--the wait to hear if we're invited to attend callbacks.  Sunshine and I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof last night, and I think we both did a good job!  We went armed with CD's of our accompaniment music this time, to avoid another potential piano disaster.  Which was almost a bad call.  The CD player skipped for a few other auditioners.  And the pianist this time was much better.

Thankfully the CD player did fine for both Sunshine and me--yay!  I feel really good about my song (Popular, from Wicked--a tough one because the tune of the song is independent of the music, and because it has several different tempos and a few spoken parts).  It wasn't as good as I sing it in the shower, but it was still really good, especially for being nervous! Sunshine said one of our Annie castmates in the waiting area said 'Wow, she's really good!'

What I heard of Sunshine's Candle on the Water was wonderful, too!  We should hear by 9pm-ish tonight if we'll get to go to Saturday's callbacks.

EDIT 8:30 pm: Got the call! Callbacks are for the main roles (which are all older teens or adults), so Sunshine doesn't have to go but is still being considered for a role. She's going anyway, because we have to be there before 2pm for the afternoon performance, and it's too long of a drive to go all the way home to get her and drive all the way back.  So yay!  Very excited!

Okay, here's a pic from Annie.  This is the Hooverville scene, one of my favorites.  If you draw a big circle in the middle of the pic, I'm at the 3:00 position, in the gray hat and braids, looking to the left (my right).

Photo by Ginny Rodgers

Two down, eleven to go

Rockin' Frances Perkins

Twenty six total shows, I get to do half.  Two down, only eleven remain.  I am having a blast.  I love every second of it, even the glitches!

Hobos for Hooverville (I'm in the braids)

Last night was opening, and I *ahem* flubbed one of the dance numbers (nailed the one that changed minutes before curtain, flubbed one that hasn't changed in a month).  I got all my open/close curtain cues no problem.  I was fully costumed for every scene.  So my part went smoothly.  However, a set table broke, some set bits were left on stage, and a few other minor snafus... but overall it was a GREAT show, exhilarating and exhausting.  I slept like a rock last night.

This afternoon's show was even better!  I just about nailed all my dance steps--didn't flub them!  Didn't break any of the set!  And had a wonderful time!  I love love love being a part of this.

After the show and I was saying goodbye, I realized I won't be seeing these guys again until FRIDAY, almost a week away!  After two months of seeing my castmates nearly every day, it's gonna be sad not to see them as often.  That alone is a reason to audition for Fiddler on the Roof.  Which I will be doing, next Tuesday (11/29)!!