I love callbacks

It's no secret by now that initial auditions totally freak me out.  I'm a mess of stress, and since of course stress makes me ditzy and awkward, I get even more stressed about the stress making me ditzy and awkward. Five initial auditions now, and the singing ones especially haven't gotten any easier. But if I can get past that first audition to callbacks, I relax and... have fun.

Last night I had the honor of attending callbacks for Guys and Dolls.  I had a great time, did my best, which is usually my only goal. Didn't do anything stupid, that's always a good thing. And I managed to take one of each foot with me, rather than two left ones!  I didn't butcher the dance routine!!  That in itself is reason for celebration.

But I still mulled all night. Not over my own performance, but something else that startled me: One of the most talented ladies I know, Tina, was really really nervous. I'd never seen her so nervous!  She recently won the Column Award for Best Actress in a Play (non-equity), and she was a bundle of nerves.  I mean, for local theatre, this is akin to Reese Witherspoon suffering from audition nerves.

On one hand, it made me feel much better about my own initial-audition jitters. On the other hand, I felt bad for her. I know well how that feels and hate hate hate it.  I love her, and since we were auditioning for the same part, I felt awful that I might be contributing to her nerves.  Fortunately we all know she's got the Acting Stuff.  She'll knock it out of the park on stage, regardless.

For me perhaps it's backwards.  The single-organism-under-the-microscope aspect of the initial audition is awful. But the presence of other people at callbacks is relaxing, empowering even.  Except for the Annie callbacks where I felt clearly outclassed, I've been pleasantly surprised NOT to feel I'm out of my league.  Plus, callbacks are an opportunity to learn from others because there are always such wonderfully talented people there.  It's a joy to be among all that talent, to be included IN that talent.  I get all warm and fuzzy and want to go home and bake cupcakes for everyone.

Anyway, I should find out this evening if I got a part.  I love this show, and said on my audition resume that I'd even be willing to wear a mustache in the men's ensemble just to be part of it.  Hopeful, but trusting in the Bigger Picture.